Confirmation, sympathy, justification

Who is entitled to write his reminiscences?
Everyone.
Because no on is obliged to read them.
In order to write one's reminiscences it is not at all necessary to be a great man, nor a notorious criminal, nor a celebrated artist, nor a statesman - it is quite enough to be simply a human being, to have something to tell, and not merely the desire to tell it but al least have some little ability to do so.
Every life is interesting, if not the personality, then the personality, then the environment, the country are interesting, the life itself is interesting. Man likes to enter into another existence, he likes to touch the subtlest fibres of another's heart, and to listen to its beating...he compares, he checks it by his own, he seeks for himself confirmation, sympathy, justification...'

Alexander Herzen


Herzen's final few words are interesting, that by writing our reminiscences we are in some way seeking confirmation, sympathy, justification. Since the age of around eight, I have written a diary, and I still do. It has always been intensely personal and through my teenage years I even, quite literally, kept my words hidden under lock and key. So why this sudden transition to the public realm? Partly 'moving with changing times' of technology. But it's more than that. I know not many people read this blog (and that's fine - I write this primarily for myself, to explore my insomnia and it's underlying root causes), but occasionally, if a few others read my words, then I can confirm my experiences with others, possibly evoke sympathy of some kind and sometimes even feel justification for those days that I feel I just can't cope.

The good thing is though, that in the past month, those days are decreasing. Perhaps at some point I'll even feel strong enough to let go of this blog, or allow it to morph into something else. If I think about when I first started writing this last year, most postings were filled with the desparate angst of a horribly sleep-deprived woman. And whilst some nights I still don't sleep, there are many on which I do. And each one of these days, the gratitude, joy and relief I feel is abundant.