Dreams

I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.

Jonas Salk


Last night 'should' have been one of those nights that I slept reasonably: I'd done yoga, Reiki, had a good dinner, felt happy, calm and relaxed without trying to feel happy, calm and relaxed and had wound down before bed down to the point that both mind and body felt positively horizontal. But here's what happened: I got into bed and two hours later I was still awake. When I did eventually drop off, I had a horrible nightmare and had to wake myself up. This pattern continued throughout the night: fitful sleep followed by this 'need' to wake myself up. Why? And I know I've asked this before, but what would happen if I forced myself to stay asleep, to somehow work through this fear that has embedded itself deep in my psyche, personifying itself in the shape of the sinister figures of my dreams.

I am not a fearful person. Fear is not an emotion that I am that familiar with. But that is me NOW. 'I' am also Rebecca aged 25, Rebecca aged 14, Rebecca aged 3, Rebecca aged 6 months. All these different Rebecca's are in me; make me into the person I am now. We are one and the same. Or at least, we should be. But I am thinking more and more that one of these Rebecca's of the past has trapped herself in a web of fear and I need to help her be freed of this. This must sound very strange, but I'm exploring all possibilities. And other explanations of why a calm, peaceful mind can produce such gruesome nightmares and such angst when all is dark run thin on the ground.