Early morning

Writing, when all is said and done, is an attempt to understand one's own circumstance and to clarify the confusion of existence.

Isabel Allende


Leading on from yesterday, well, I could really do with that coffee now. It's only half past nine but it feels like it should be nearing the end of the day already as I've been up since about 2am. Last night was the first night since my Reiki course that I really haven't slept. Not that I expected just because I have a weekend of Reiki and self-nurturing that all my sleeping problems will be over. Of course that's just not realistic. But now I need to try and break this pattern...What normally happens is that I fall asleep without too many problems but when I wake up in the night I can't drop off again. If I've gone to bed at a reasonable hour, it doesn't even matter if I wake up from 4am as I will have had enough sleep by then. But if I wake up much earlier, that's starting to push it.

Priya asked me to write down my dreams and my thoughts at this moment that I awake in order to identify some kind of pattern. But bizarrely, since trying to remember the dreams and thoughts, I literally can't remember a thing whereas previously my dreams were always so vivid. I don't know, maybe I'm trying too hard. Early this morning, after I'd spent a long time in bed not sleeping, something said to me very clearly Get up and write. I didn't feel like it at all, but I left the room, sat at the table and rather than really write, instead I listened to all the sounds of a very early morning in an Indian city and I wrote them down. I'm not sure what purpose it served, if any, but it definitely beat tossing and turning in my bed.