Brightness

...to be truly radical is to make hope possible rather than despair convincing.

Raymond Williams


I felt as though I had myself more or less back on track so it was a shock when, out of the blue, I didn't sleep again last night. Or maybe just an hour or two. It's funny how the world looks like such a different place when I don't sleep. The thing I notice the most out here in India is that the sun just seems too bright.

Later this morning I'm going to meet a hypnotherapist to see if I feel sufficiently comfortable with her to go ahead with such treatment. I've always felt slightly nervous about hypnotherapy and have never had a similar treatment. The closest I ever got was going to meet someone about a year ago in England but I just didn't feel good enough about him to allow him access into my subconscious - which is a pretty big deal.

I was reading the other day in an article about a woman who suffered from sleeplessness and when she finally started sleeping well again she said that she felt she needed to 'catch up' on her sleep; to spend ages and ages sleeping. The good news for me is that I don't need this and I never have done. Even if I've had several days of terrible quality sleep I just need a single decent night to set me right again. So tonight is a night, still in the future, full of hope and possibility. It sounds like I'm putting pressure on it. Perhaps I am, but all I really want to do is lie down tonight, breathe in and out, in and out and remain in the present and drop off.