Sleep deprivation

01:36 in the morning and ok, it's not all that late, but right now I don't know which space I'm occupying. Since arriving back in India three days ago I have slept very, very little and everything's starting to go quite blurry. I did a crazily intense session of yoga this evening in the hope that even if my mind wouldn't shut down, at least my body would. But to no avail. I feel more awake than ever.

What's another good thing to do in the dead of night when you just can't sleep? In the past few nights I've tried reading, eating carbohydratey-type foods, doing reiki, deep breathing and now this - blogging. Well, it can't hurt and maybe it will be some kind of release and help me to shut down. If only I could be like this laptop and I could turn off all the windows that are open in my head and put my mind 'to bed'. I am not stressed. I am so happy to be back here in India in this wonderful warm climate and to see the twinkly lights in the streets as Bangalore gears up for Diwali. I'm happy to be eating Indian food again, I'm happy that Maya is happy being back at school, I'm happy to be back in this country that has, in so many different ways, crawled under my skin. But I'm not sleeping. I'm staying stubbornly, steadfastly awake. I wonder if there is something I could write briefly here and now, at 01:50 that would act as some kind of meditative balm for me. Here we go, off the top of my sleepy head...

Here are some things that made me smile today:

* Picking Maya up from school. Her happiness to see me.
* Lily picking a flower for Maya in the park and presenting it to her; hearing her say 'flower' for the first time.
* Seeing Andy walk through the door after coming back from work.
* Lily coming down the 'twirly-worly' slide as Maya calls it. It was so wide and swamped her little body.
* Maya's jubliation at filling out her sticker chart.


It's easy to see a pattern here. This is my family making me smile. How about making myself smile? Now there's a challenge for a sorely sleep-deprived woman.