Death is an angel with two faces; to us he turns a face of terror, blighting all things fair; the other burns with the glory of the stars, and love is there.
T. C. Williams
And so life goes on without Akilesh. At times like this, I sometimes wonder why the world doesn't stop; why everyone's faces don't turn, for just a moment, towards the grieving family. To acknowledge their suffering at least, and then carry on. But of course the world doesn't work like that, because tragically there are hundeds of Akilesh's that make the transition each and every moment from this world on to something else. But is it tragedy? Or part of a bigger plan? These are big questions and for the moment, at least, it still hurts.
For the past few days, I've been feeling very low. Because of what has happened, from missing Deepa's presence, and from lack of sleep. Yesterday morning I went to have some Reiki with Priya and it really, really helped; to have sombody be present with me and to be present myself and allow myself to relax whilst gentle, loving hands are placed on me. I told her that my sleep over the past weeks hasn't been very good and how this has surprised me, considering the issues that have surfaced for me that I've considered to be highly significant. It's one thing to acknowledge issues, she told me, but quite another to truly process them. Have I processed what's come up? Have I allowed it to sink into every fibre and feel the anger and the fear? Probably not. I'm so 'English' in many ways. I'm so pre-conditioned to remain calm.
So, my next challenge: to find a way to channel the emotion that I have inside me.
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