Treacle

This sensation of wading through treacle was one I'd well and truly hoped was behind me. But here I am, back at the page of my insomnia blog. Wishing I wasn't. But at the same time, it's like re-visiting a familiar old friend. This friend has played an enormous role in my life over the past couple of years. I hadn't missed them in their absence, yet their presence is an important outlet, allowing me to be open and honest and, in return, offering some kind of solace whilst I wade through treacle.

Since returning from India almost four months ago, the quality and quantity of my sleep had radically improved. But then, two weeks ago, I inexplicably stopped sleeping again. I am five and a half months pregnant and have two gorgeous little girls under four and I am - in a word - exhausted.

I recognise some of those patterns that I thought I'd 'put to bed' creeping back into my life - being utterly foul in the mornings, pacing downstairs at 4am and the panic switch activating itself when I wake up in the night to name a few. Perhaps this is just a blip. Or perhaps my insomnia has re-introduced itself into my life for a reason, and until this is addressed, it'll just keep coming back. I hope that, with the help of this blog, I shall be able to understand it better.

On a more positive note, spring is here. This is by far my favourite season and it is such a joy to witness the natural world unfurling and coming alive after such a long, unforgiving winter, particularly as we missed it last year whilst in India. The one good thing about being downstairs at 4am is that the birdsong is a loud, melodious cacophony and they seem more alive at this hour than at dawn even. At least this helps me to feel more alive and keep the treacle at bay.