Feeding the condition

Physically,this is as bad as it gets: dizzy spells, nausea and a complete inability to talk - I haven't answered the phone once today.

Last night, I had an interesting dream. I was walking up a spiral staircase outside a house and the stairs were decorated with balloons and pot plants. Initially, I felt terrified and I knew it could have led to my sleep paralysis, but I also knew I was dreaming and managed to calm myself down and tell myself 'It's ok, you're dreaming which means you're asleep - so that's good. Just stay with it.' I continued walking up the stairs and the temperature changed gradually from tropical hot to very cold, but I felt myself relaxing and started trying to look in through the windows of the house, feeling a need to explore and find out where I was. But at that moment, the dream dissolved and fizzled away like a diver breaking through the surface of the water and I found myself awake and annoyingly alert. But I would very much like to re-visit this place.

I've been thinking quite alot about the quote I posted in my last blog, about putting insomnia on a pedestal, and have considered a comparison with a new born child. A baby needs warmth, it needs to be given attention and constant feeding. So too with isomnia: in order for it to survive and to thrive it must be fed. And this feeding can take the form of obsessing about it, talking about it, seeking out solutions for it or even thinking about it. This is why it's such a self-perpetuating issue; a cycle that's so very hard to break. Because insomniacs know there's a problem and naturally they want to remedy it. But in doing so, are they perpetuating it? Even this blog...by writing this am I feeding the baby and keeping it alive. Or should I call it the monster?