Sewing the seed of now

 
'...and you learn to build up your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
For your plans.'

Author Unknown


I've had a really lovely day. Honestly, a great day. As soon as I got out of bed, I knew I'd had enough sleep and it such a rarity that I can say this. When I went downstairs and Andy asked me how I was, it was such a joy to be able to reply, very simply, I am fine. Wow - what a feeling.

Today I have covered the house in little post-it notes - things that I've taken away from my session with Dr Meadows and the subsequent notes he's sent me. They are essentially techniques to help me be mindful during the day, as I can't very well expect to suddenly feel fine when I wake in the night if I can't learn to keep myself in the here and now during daytime hours. They are also means to counter unhelful thoughts that may pop into my head during the day, such as 'I'm a wreck, I can't cope' or 'If I had more sleep, there's so much more I'd be doing with my time'...that kind of thing. Whether or not they are true, thinking these thoughts are not going to resolve a thing and they're certainly not going to help me sleep better.

So I have these little tricks up my sleeve now (which the post-it's are reminding me of!), such as singing these sombre thoughts to a merry tune such as Happy Birthday - this enables me to respond to the thoughts more playfully and ultimately with less fear and also to see them for what they really are: just thoughts. I do this in my head though, not out loud, as people might think I'm a nutter if I go round singing I'm such a terrible wife and mother to the tune of Happy Birthday!

So yes, today has been good. But just because I slept well last night, I know this doesn't mean I'll necessarily sleep well again tonight. But it doesn't mean I necessarily won't either. The point is to bring myself into the present as many times as I'm able to during the day by being aware of my surroundings, my breathing and my knee-jerk reactions. And rather than judge these reactions, as I'm apt to do, observing them and then letting them go.