Nature's Balm

It occurred to me that Andy had to deal with three weeping females this morning: Maya woke at 6.30 in an indecisive grump ("nappy on! no, nappy off! No, no, no!), Lily's customary morning smiles were unhappy little sobs (teething? constipation?) and as for me, well, what can I say? Yet another night of insanely little sleep. My poor, poor husband...what a way to start the day.
All I can say is that I'm incredibly lucky to be married to someone who is prepared to work from home (which effectively means not really being able to work at all), despite being snowed under at the moment. So while he took Maya to nursery and then drove off with Lily to work to pick some things up, I took to my bed once more and tossed and turned and asked myself for the thousandth time what on earth was wrong with me.

I am also fortunate that aforementioned husband still sees me as the person that I am, I mean REALLY am, rather than the angst-ridden person I sometimes feel I've become. This means he can look at my moods objectively and make suggestions that Rebecca-of-the-former-life would have jumped at but Rebecca-of-late has less time for. Today this suggestion came in the form of going for a walk after lunch. If truth be known, my body was screaming out to lie down but good god, how much time is it really healthy fo a person to be horizontal, particularly when they're not sleeping? So I bundled myself up in thermals, scarf, hat and gloves, stuffed chocolate covered brazil nuts in my pockets and tucked my socks into my walking boots so I looked like a right rambler geek and off I walked across Portholme Meadow (Britain's largest meadow). I walked solidly for a couple of hours, following the River Ouse and I cannot quite express how this time outdoors in the bright, bracing winter wind helped to raise my spirits. I can't remember whose words they were, but I remember reading a quote once which goes along the lines of any question that a person has, the answer can be sought in nature. And this is what I felt as I walked along, that by convening with nature and the elements I was re-connecting with myself and a calm, quiet energy was breathing into me. Half way through my walk, I felt very close to collapse (with a grand total of 10 hours sleep in the past 4 nights) but by the time I was on the return leg of the journey, I was amazed to find I had a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

Nature really is a great healer, perhaps THE greatest healer and whether or not I sleep tonight, at least I have the memory of the wind against my skin and the sound of the delicious mud squelching underfoot.