Those magic red shoes

This morning I did something I haven't done in a very, very long time. (Actually, I don't remember ever having done this!)... I sat at the breakfast table with my bowl of cereal and my cup of roobois and my family around me and I began to laugh and said I feel great! Great??! In the morning??! Wonders will truly never cease. I know I've mentioned this before, that of course it's impossible to appreciate how good I feel, or rather how normal I feel, without having experienced such intense lows. So I suppose I have the bete noir that is my insomnia to thank for valuing these days when I feel so alive.

Another positive thing to come from my insomnia is that I most definitely save money! I generally don't really feel like buying much, and certainly not items for myself (not that I have much opportunity...it's nigh on impossible to try on clothes with a toddler and baby in tow!). For the last few months when I've been in Huntingdon, I've walked past a shop called TAG which is the only decent clothes shop in town. I spotted some fabulous red shoes in the window and several times I just stopped and stared at those shoes. I want those shoes, I thought to myself, I covet those shoes, I need those shoes. Yet I had neither the energy nor the inclination to go in and try them on. Besides, I couldn't imagine ever feeling in sassy mode to want to wear them. It's a funny thing though, to derive so much pleasure from just standing outside a shop window staring at such beautiful objects with Maya tugging at my sleeve and Lily burbling in her pushchair. So last week, when I walked past the shop I must confess I felt something close to mild panic rising in my throat when I noticed my shoes were no longer in the window. Before I knew it, I had wrenched the door open and stuck my head in. Those shoes...those red shoes in the window. Where've they gone?! I think the shop assistant was a bit shocked by this demanding, dishevelled madwoman who had only put her head round the door but he told me what I wanted to hear, that they were just inside, not in the shop window anymore. I sighed an inward sigh of relief. Do you want to try them on? he asked, raising a wary eyebrow at me. Er...no the madwoman says and her head vanishes.

But the end of this protracted tale is that yesterday I was in town, I felt normal and sane and happy and healthy and yes, I pushed the door wide open, stepped into the shop and put on those magic red shoes. Maya said nice shoes Mummy! and another customer browsing in the shop looked at me and said Wow, they really suit you and that was that, I am now the proud owner of two gorgeous, scarlet, handmade creatures. I'm not entirely sure what point I'm trying to make by relaying this story, possibly just that when I have this kind of energy I am imbued with a new sense of purpose. I feel empowered, hopeful and unique. The kind of person who is able to put on a pair of beautiful new shoes and say yes, I LOOK GOOD IN THESE.