Exhaustion

Trust that the winter of your sorrow will yield to the summer of your joy, just as the brilliant rays of the morning always follow the darkest part of night.

Robin Sharma



The passiflora didn't work its magic last night. I only managed an hour or two of sleep and today am feeling dreadful. I don't know what's happened this past week - things were definitely getting better; well the general pattern is that they are getting better, so this is what I need to stay focussed on. But on days like today, I must admit it's difficult. I've cancelled doing my morning voluntary work but want to try still to meet a friend for lunch. I know I won't be good company but sometimes on days like these, the thought of spending time in my own company is even less desirable.

The past few days I have, admittedly, been feeling a little sad and missing my family more than normal because at the moment my brother and sisters are out in Switzerland celebrating my youngest sister's 30th birthday. I would give anything to be with them. Speaking of family, this week I am taking one family member at a time each evening and drawing pictures of / for them as suggested by Priya who's giving me Reiki. With the person I began with last night, some unexpected memories surfaced from my childhood. It's amazing how all these memories are there, locked up in a little box in a corner, and sometimes all it takes to find the key is something as simple as drawing a picture. Like the letter writing, drawing pictures can be very powerful. I'm not a good drawer, but that doesn't matter. In fact, it may be even better because in this way, with a blank piece of paper and some crayons in front of me, unconsciously my drawing takes on the childlike strokes from when I was young.

The quote I've included above may not be quite right: it's not sorrow I feel with my sleeplessness (though I do admittedly sometimes feel sorry for myself when I haven't slept), but the word sorrow can easily be replaced here with words such as 'dark times' or 'exhaustion'. I must trust in the brightness and hope of tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. And longer term, I have my Reiki course in less than 2 weeks to look forward to where I'll learn to be a Reiki healer. And in 2 months, I can hug my family again.