The Past

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

LP Hartley


These photos are of my dear grandparents, Eric and Christine, taken on their wedding day in 1944. They taught me so much, without trying to teach me anything - about humility, about gratitude, about the pleasure in small things, the importance of family and dealing with adversity, pain and grief. I miss them both very much.

My grandmother was one of these characters with infectious enthusiasm and zest for life. She never complained, she raised six children with no help and when she smiled, her whole face shone. She was very much of the attitude (and generation?) that you just had to get through problems....not talk about them too much, not wallow and definitely not dwell on them; the 'chin up' attitude. She was amazing - she could deal with this. But it's not for everyone. And it's interesting thinking about this kind of stance now, how in this generation we've almost gone the other way - counselling, self-help, talking talking talking through your problems and really feeling them.

Interestingly, my mother commented the other day how much my grandmother suffered. This was a surprise to hear. Certainly, from the perspective of a child and young person, she painted a picture of boundless energy and joy. But this was Christine's choice and her upbringing: to buck up and to carry on. And now I do wonder how much time she spent suffering alone, without feeling able to share what she was going through. Christine was an incredible mother - I can't begin to compare myself to her and that's not what I want to do. But I know that I don't want my own children to feel they can't talk about their problems, no matter how small. Imparting some kind of emotional intelligence to them is one of the most important things I strive for.