My pledge

I received my blood test results and it turns out that I'm no longer deficient in Vitamin B12 - in fact, everything looks as healthy as can be in that department. I ought to be pleased, shouldn't I? But well....hmm...you know. Ah, if life could be so simple and a few vitamin injections could restore my sleep....

I also discussed today with the GP the possibility of post-natal depression causing insomnia as opposed to insomnia causing my mood swings (now I really feel like I'm airing my dirty laundry in public but hey, I suppose that started long ago anyway, when I began this blog) because this has come up a few times recently with a few people. Anyway, we discussed this at length (honestly, I've never come across a GP before who was so willing to just talk). I know it is just one opinion, but he felt confident that I am not suffering from PND. He said that the fact I am routinely fine and happy on days when I have slept well would work against this as PND sufferers would experience mood swings whether they have slept or not. But he did feel (as I often have done) that since I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for over five years, my hormones are probably all over the place and it's quite possible this could be affecting my sleep. That, combined with the fact I have, over the years, created poor sleep habits for myself which have built up over time. So, there you have it - my diagnosis. Isn't that what I always wanted?

So, what's the answer? Well, one answer is to jolly well not have any more children! It's insane - although Benjamin is less than four months old, there is a small, maternal voice in me that whispers from time to time Go on, you can have one more, just one more little one....but then rational-me turns to maternal-me and says Oh give it a rest and give yourself and your body a bloody break Becks!  Funny that,but I'm sure I'm not the only woman that goes through these thought patterns that work something along the lines that whilst I am able to produce children, I ought to do it! But, right, I'm going to type this down now and put it in writing...I always say 'never say never' but I think, in light of what I've been through in the past five years, that I need to make a pledge (and it breaks maternal-me's heart, but she'll get over it, particularly as she already has the most delectable three little nuggets ever...)

And here is my pledge:

NO MORE CHILDREN!