I had a terrible night last night - only slept about 2 hours which was particularly frustrating as both Maya and Lily didn't make a peek all night long. This morning my friend Fiona came to my rescue and took both the girls for the whole morning (despite being a mother of 2 herself, and a single mother at that! Her walking off down the road with 4 little girls in tow was a sight to behold). I walked back up to my bedroom, about to collapse back in to bed when suddenly the sight of the crumpled sheets and dark room seemed completely unbearable. I stood there for some time, deciding what to do. My body was asking me to lie down but my mind was telling me to get dressed and get out of the house into the LIGHT.
Which leads me on to something I've been thinking about more and more recently; that perhaps my insomnia is related to not getting enough light? Our lovely little Victorian terraced house, cosy though it is, faces north and therefore can be very, very dark, especially at this time of year. I've always been a little bit like a plant, craving light and water, but until recently I hadn't given this possible connection more than a passing thought. So...the light prevailed, and off I went into the frosty morning across the meadow once more. All the water had frozen over and there was something hugely satisfying about stepping into it in my wellies, breaking the ice into hundreds of small pieces. And just like last time, although I felt exhausted for the first hour, the second hour was wonderful with the winter sunshine warming my face.
I do think this is something I need to investigate a little further, after all it's only since I've been living in this house that I've suffered so badly from insomnia (but then again, it's only since I've been living here that I've either been pregnant or breastfeeing as well). It'll be interesting to see if walking under that great expanse of Cambridgeshire sky helps me to drop off tonight.
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