List Mania

Andy laughs at my seemingly constant need to make lists. Well, I have another one, this time it's a list of all the various means I've tried to help combat my insomnia over the past couple of years:
- Acupuncture
- Bowen Technique
- Health Kinesiology
- Chinese medicine
- Homeopathy
- Warm baths with herbal essences
- Lavender drops
- Alcohol (!)
- Sleeping pills (yup, I succumbed and proceeded to be awake all night)
- Badger balm
- Night spray
- Night Wave (a light that's projected on to the ceiling that helps regulate breathing)
- Cutting out caffeine and alcohol for 3 weeks (including chocolate, SUCH hard work!)
- Exercise
- Earthing mat
- Visualisation exercises
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Relaxation CD's
- Chamomile tea
- Valerian
- Keeping a nightly routine
- Making sure I eat a protein meal for the evening meal


I'm certain this list could continue if I thought about it a bit longer. BUT and this is a big but, I really do not want this blog to turn into some kind of vent filled with self-pitying anecdotes about all the things I've tried and failed. It's depressing for me to write about and depressing for any person who chooses to read this. However, sometimes I do need to let off a little steam and as I must confess I do quite enjoy making lists (!), it's interesting just to have written all of this down just to see where I stand in terms of avenues taken and others still to explore.

When I told the mother of one of my piano pupils the other night that I was going to take January off because I needed to get my chronic insomnia sorted out (admittedly, it must have been a strange thing for her to hear), after a long pause she said "Yes, I know what it's like. It's exhausting having young children, isn't it?" It's that kind of comment that I find frustrating, and I do get that quite alot. Perhaps it's better if I just don't mention the 'I' word, but a realisation I've come to recently is that in order for me to be myself again, I need to be completely honest with people. And that means being very un-English and saying yes, I need help and no, I'm not coping at the moment. I don't think that's being negative or pessimistic, it's acknowledging that I've got a problem I need support with and I believe that seeking this support can only be a positive step towards feeling well again. A couple of days ago, a friend commented that I must feel like I was wading through treacle every day. What a brilliant way to describe it! And so, one step at a time...maybe the treacle will soon turn to golden syrup, and then to honey...Perhaps I'll even be walking through water on a regular basis before I even know it.