Angels

If some people really see angels where others see empty space,let them paint the angels.

John Ruskin


Something I see with clarity now is that if I am exhausted from a bad night, as soon as it grows dark again, all I can really think about it getting to bed because the more time I spend in bed, the greater the likelihood of notching up a greater number of hours of sleep. Now I see this is all wrong, and is something in the past couple of weeks I have turned on its head. What is working far better for me is spending as little time as possible in bed. This way I go to bed late no matter how tired I am, after my night time 'wind-down' routine: light reading, sleep diary and relaxing music on my i-pod and by then, I am ready for bed. I am more relaxed and mentally clinging less to the thought that I should be going to sleep because I'm so tired, which is what often happens when I flop into bed early. More often than not, this need to sleep results in taking a very, very long time to drop off. And so the pattern of sleeplessness is reinforced.

Years ago when I was a teenager and in my university and post-university years (that other lifetime!) I never used to go to bed early. I was a night-owl and would often be one of the last to leave a party. Of course with family and all kinds of reality checks and my 3 year long insomnia, this is no longer the case but the point is, I am naturally inclined to go to bed late. I love the peace of the morning but I am not a morning person. So I feel that by going to bed later again now, I am re-claiming something of who I am. A person who burns the midnight oil and has some of their best ideas when dark comfort of the witching hour descends.

The quote above by Ruskin is one of my favourites. It is so short and so simple but speaks volumes. I've haven't had the greatest morning so far: a silly argument with my husband prompted I am sure by a very rare hangover. Yes, hangover. But here is what I propose for the rest of the day: to search for those angels and metaphorically paint them on to today's canvas.