Resistance

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Naomi Shihab Nye


Some days, I don't know what I want to write about at all. I just open up the blog, see the blank entry screen in front of me and think, okay, what now? But I think it's very important for me when I'm feeling so exhausted to just write; write anything: at worst, it can do no harm and at best, I can leave the page feeling better and more able to face the day optimistically.

Yesterday came as a very welcome day of respite for me - whilst not brilliantly slept, I'd slept reasonably and as a result felt brilliant. I did some good work on my novel, played and painted and danced with Maya and Lily and in the afternoon took up the offer of visiting a girl I hardly knew at her house which I enjoyed very much. Surprisingly, when it came to my Reiki session, rather than looking forward to it as I do each week, I felt a great deal of resistance. I didn't want to be there, I didn't really want to open up to Priya and tell her about the low week I'd had and I almost felt dismissive of Reiki and what it stands for. I thought I'd lay my cards on the table and be honest and tell Priya all this. She responded by saying that the number of people who were about to do the weekend Reiki course who were suddenly feeling low or 'afflicted' by one illness or another was amazing. Many of us about to embark on our first Reiki attunement tomorrow are experiencing resistance of one kind or another. Our subconscious is fighting something because round the corner we may all be experiencing something significant.

I don't expect my Reiki attunement to be life changing. But it may be. I have no idea what to expect. But I know I feel ready for this, and tomorrow I will go in as open-minded as I can.