A rare moment with all three babes asleep to write a blog....

Where have the days flown by to? I have been wanting to write a blog for days and days now, but each time I've tried to approach the laptop, something has pulled me away again (crying baby / squabbling daughters / spillage / pukage / snottage...delete as appropriate).

So, what's been happening in our neck of the woods since I last blogged?

Lily becomes lovelier and feistier by the day.

Maya nearly reduced her mama to tears on her first day of school.

Benjamin, our little one, is growing so fast he won't even fit on a pillow soon (sniff!)

And Andy (el guapo del autobus) and I celebrated five years of delicious marriage.

And what about me? Is my sanity being retained? Well...sometimes. Today was a toughie - on the verge of sleep-deprived tears for most of the day, with my shades firmly on to keep me IN and others OUT. Many tantrums, with all of us feeding off each other and our moods chasing one another round and round like a crazed carousel all gone out of control.

My sleep comes and goes. When it comes, I almost get carried away and feel like throwing a party and inviting everyone I know and others that I don't for good measure.

But when it goes, like today, I zip up my mouth and just try to get through the day, one breath at a time, one step at a time. 

But you know what, I'm coming to accept that this is just how I am when I haven't slept. I am not a bad mother. I am not a bad wife. I am just lil ol me who is human and feels dire when in the clutches of sleep deprivation. But as my mother in law pointed out to me, for the past five years I have either been pregnant or breast-feeding. Now if this doesn't play a few little tricks with one's hormones, then what does?

I'm still trying to stop several times a day (often it's when I'm breastfeeding, as I have to stop for that) to observe what it feels like to be present: to smell, to listen, to feel, to take in everything around me. I love doing this, it's become so important. It helps me to feel alive when the weight of exhaustion presses down on me.

Of course I can't know for sure, but I think that I may have sleep problems for some time to come. And am I OK with that? Unlike before, yes, I am. Truly. I have nailed my poor sleeping habits so deeply within me, that it's going to take a long time to prize them out and free them. But look at these three gorgeous children and hubby. I mean, how lucky am I?

The nights are drawing in.

The raspberries and blackberries on their canes are slowing down.

I'm getting in the autumn mood for skirts and stripey tights.

And I'll grab a little sleep when I can.