Where I am taken to today

This morning I got out of bed with a ton of bricks pounding down on my forehead. At least, that's what it felt like. Three nights in a row with very little sleep. I know I shouldn't be counting, but there are some things that one just knows.

Some good friends are seeing a hypnotherapist who works nearby to where I live who has, apparently, done wonders for various problems. My mother suggested this morning that I go and see her. I know she is just thinking of me, but it's not the right thing for me to do. In fact, I've made a pledge to myself that I'm not going to see another soul about my sleep problem - I already have a few dozen notches of people who've tried to help me under my belt and have lain on more couches than I care to remember.

No, it's up to me now. It is so, so hard not to get down after a few decent nights and then - wham - I lie awake all night whilst Benjamin, the model baby, wakes just once in the night for a feed.

I have a few coping mechanisms in place, and they are definitely not all good ones. But they propel me on through the day. Here is what I do:

I drink a very strong coffee...

 (I wish I could say that a healthy, healing cup of roobois gave me the same hit)

I eat chocolate...

(My cocoa tastes are fickle, but current favourite is mint flavour Divine)

I do my breathing, observing exercises...

(Sometimes these are interrupted, sometimes they're not)

Failing being able to play, I listen to music...

(Right now, I'm lost in Einaudi's 'Divenire' - click here to listen)    

and very often I have a good cry...

(Yes, this is a coping mechanism. 

Better out than in, and these tears definitely need to come out.

Somehow, they're healing.

And once they're over, I feel a little better.)

Enjoy listening to Einaudi. He never fails to move me. Divenire takes you through a wide range of emotions which fit my mood perfectly today: sadness, searching, anger, conciliatoriness (wow, that's a long old word - had to look it up to check it exists...which it does!) and then, as you'll hear if you listen all the way through, ends on a question.

I know nobody can give me the answer to my question, but it's only human for me to ask it. Let's say it's rhetorical, so I'll leave out the question mark, but here it is:

Will this ever be over.