As I've said before, insomnia is pesky. In that, it doesn't go away easily.
This is nothing to do with positive thinking. I returned from England brimming with energy and enthusiasm and excited about putting everything I'd learned into practice and entering a new phase of my life whereby I could finally enjoy everything I've worked so hard to build: my relationships, my writing, my love of living. And the first week back was alright - it wasn't brilliant, but it was manageable. But what has happened this past week? As I type this, I have not slept for 7 nights in a row which as far as I can remember is a record for me. I feel as though I am stuck in the middle of a very long, truly terrifying nightmare and I don't know how to get out.
What door was it that I managed to unlock back in England? It is difficult to express how much I truly believed I had turned a corner. As I put it in the last blog, that something had 'lifted.' But just as quickly, that sensation has been smothered by severe, intense sleep deprivation. I feel as though I may be going a little mad. Two days ago I forgot which car was mine in the car park (yes, I know I shouldn't be driving) and stood there for some time whilst Benji looked up at me quizzically. In the end, my four year old son had to lead me to my car.
I really need your help please. I need you to phone me because I need to talk, even if it is just for me to blub down the phone. Because if I don't talk, in a way I just stop living. Just because I don't appear on skype, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not there, it just means I'm on invisible mode. And this is my number: +254 (0)7179 13801.
This is nothing to do with positive thinking. I returned from England brimming with energy and enthusiasm and excited about putting everything I'd learned into practice and entering a new phase of my life whereby I could finally enjoy everything I've worked so hard to build: my relationships, my writing, my love of living. And the first week back was alright - it wasn't brilliant, but it was manageable. But what has happened this past week? As I type this, I have not slept for 7 nights in a row which as far as I can remember is a record for me. I feel as though I am stuck in the middle of a very long, truly terrifying nightmare and I don't know how to get out.
What door was it that I managed to unlock back in England? It is difficult to express how much I truly believed I had turned a corner. As I put it in the last blog, that something had 'lifted.' But just as quickly, that sensation has been smothered by severe, intense sleep deprivation. I feel as though I may be going a little mad. Two days ago I forgot which car was mine in the car park (yes, I know I shouldn't be driving) and stood there for some time whilst Benji looked up at me quizzically. In the end, my four year old son had to lead me to my car.
I really need your help please. I need you to phone me because I need to talk, even if it is just for me to blub down the phone. Because if I don't talk, in a way I just stop living. Just because I don't appear on skype, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not there, it just means I'm on invisible mode. And this is my number: +254 (0)7179 13801.
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